A Nightmare Unending
by shimmerinstars
Summary: Dean's guilt is torturing him in his dreams, in the worst way imaginable.


**Disclaimer:** Not Mine.

 **Author's Note:** Thanks to Jedisapphire for the beta.

 **Summary:** Dean's guilt is torturing him in his dreams , in the worst way imaginable.

Tag #3 to 10.23, _Brother's keeper_

 **o0o**

Dean awoke with a start. Another nightmare and like the others these past few weeks it had been all too real. Shaking and sweaty Dean sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He sat there a minute before making his way to the bathroom, stripping off his shirt and tossing it into the shadows of his room.

Leaning against the sink he starred at the running water for a while before splashing it on his face.

Dean was killing Sam in his dreams in the manner he killed his victims under the mark's rage. Tonight Dean shot and killed Sam in the way he did the youngest Styne,Cyrus. So vivid and real Dean still couldn't get Sam's pleading eyes out of his mind as he begged for his life.

The night before that Dean was about to kill Cain again but found himself plunging the knife in Sam's back. The violence of the act jarring him out of sleep and sending him into the bathroom to throw up. The nightmare so vivid he swore he still had his brother's blood splattered all over him and his hands covered in it.

Not all of Dean's dreams contained actually killing his brother. In one he was set to prepare Charlie's body for a hunters burial. But instead found Sam's body lying there for him to wrap in the shroud. Dean's cruel words, telling Sam it should be him up there on the pyre, had come back to haunt him in his dreams.

He had killed Sam at least another half an dozen ways in his dreams and he knew with how many lives he took while wearing the mark that these nightmares could go on for a long time.

Dean felt he deserved this and far worse. Although he couldn't think of anything worse than killing his brother with his own hands other than it being real. Dean's nightmares had him believing them to be real and left him unsure of reality when he awoke.

Dean quickly towel dried his face and put on a clean shirt. He needed to see Sam.

o0o

Standing outside his brother's bedroom in the middle of the night. Dean tried the door and found it unlocked. Sam had fallen asleep with the television muted, so Dean had no problem seeing his brother was asleep all curled up on his side facing him.

Moving closer Dean stood there a moment watching Sam sleep. He needed to see the rise and fall of his brother's chest, affirmation that he was alive. Then he listened carefully until he could hear the sweet sound of his brother's breathing.

Satisfied his brother was alive and fine he quietly picked up the desk chair and moved it by Sam's bedside. There Dean sat watching him, studying his innocent features in sleep. Bewildered to how he could have ever done the things he did to Sam.

Sam who had asked and pleaded with him to tell him what was wrong.

o0o

"Hey buddy!" Dean felt firm hands and gentle shaking and when he opened his eyes he saw Sam's face in front of him.

"I'm sorry, must have fell asleep," Dean tried to get up but those same hands wouldn't let him.

"You are not going anywhere," Sam told him.

"What? Let me go Sammy," Dean tried to squirm free.

"Do you love me Dean?"

Dean stopped wiggling and looked up at him with wide eyes. "Wow! Where did that come from?"

"Do you?"

"Sammy we don't..."

"Do you?" Sam repeated.

"Yes," Dean said softly.

"Well if you love me then you'll stay right there in that chair and tell me what's going on with you and then tell me how can I help."

"Sammy..."

"No Dean, I know something is wrong. So please talk to me. If you _love_ me you will do that!"

"You really don't play fair do you Sammy," Dean told him.

"Not when it comes to my big brother! Not when I know he's hurting."

"Okay Sammy, you win."

Sam let go and sat on the bed facing Dean.

Dean tried to begin but whenever he thought about his nightmares and what he did to Sam he wanted to cry. He almost did in front of Sam.

"Hey," Sam took his brother's face gently in his hands. "It's okay. You're safe with me. So just take your time. I''m not going anywhere."

"How can you say that Sam after everything I've done. I set you up to be killed!"

"I know you Dean and that wasn't you. You have to stop punishing yourself."

"I don't think I ever can."

"Can you try, for me?"

"How and where do I begin?"

"Just talk to me. We'll figure it out like we always do, together."

Dean looked into those eyes, warm, trusting and full of love and for the first time he believed it possible. "Okay Sammy we'll talk."


End file.
